The Confrontation

With a grin my friend lets me in, not knowing I was about to really put him on the spot. After some idle chit chat I just jumped in and told him what I had been up to, how I tried casting a circle and doing a ritual, and how I thought that he was a Wiccan and could he tell me some stuff.

He was flabbergasted. I could see him struggle with how to answer me. Being a helpful person, and having respect for me he wanted to just help. But years of abuse led him to be cautious. Knowing I almost had him I gave him a list of reasons why I thought he was a witch, and promised that I wouldn't say anything as I didn't want people knowing about me either.

After that he relented. He first asked me how I made my circle. I told him I didn't have anything to mark one out with, so I used boots and shoes to make my circle. [go ahead, laugh] The look on his face told me I did something very wrong. He first opened a cubby and handed me several books. Read these. Now come on. He brought me to the wilderness part of our base and explained the nature of wicca.

I was hooked. I could not learn enough. I spent hundreds and hundreds of dollars on books. I bought a huge clothing trunk to store my occult related items and books, and it also doubled as my alter. My uber xtrian roommate was a little freaked out by my new interest so began to educate him. It took a month or so but he realized it was a valid and very positive religion so it did not bother him. In time, it was something I felt fine discussing with people. I really liked opening their eyes and minds to something other than what they had shoved down their throats since birth.

SO WHAT ABOUT SATANISM?

At this stage in my life? Nothing. I viewed it as the other side of xtrian religion. I even read Levay's book and came away with the impression that it was a selfish religion. Truth be told, I skimmed the book and did not give it much thought or time. Wiccan's do not believe in the devil, therefore it was a waste of my time.

So what changed? Why did I suddenly realize that Satanism was something I would want to not only do, but talk about? Again, a long slow process. More study, more learning, more life experience. Here I am, almost ten years since I dove headlong into the life of the occult. I've been a ghost hunter, a wiccan, and for quite awhile I stopped being a wiccan an was simply spiritual.

The Journey Begins

With my mind full of questions on went on a quest for knowledge. What did other people believe in that were not brought up xtrian? Only western thought excludes the occult teachings. We don't meditate, have altars in our homes, and feel those that do are weird and/or going to hell.

So I dipped in the books and read about Buddhist's, Islam, Muslims, Jews, and Hindu's. One night a friend came down to my room while we were having a small little party. He had been practicing with Tarot Cards and wanted to do some readings for us. To say the least, I was blown away. His accuracy was simply amazing. He even knew my roommate was about to take a mutual friends girlfriend away from him because he liked her. This was something only he knew at the time. I wanted to learn how to do that, so my study of the occult began.

At this time, the xtrian brainwashing was still strong. I remember being in an old used and rare bookstore and finally found a (small) section on the occult. One book was huge, with a blood red cover titled Demonology. I felt scared and nervous just thinking about touching it, but I wanted to learn. So I put a bible on either side of me and cracked it open. I vaguely remember having one eye half shut while I read through it at first. Go ahead, laugh. I felt silly at the time as well as scared. When I wasn't struck by a thunderbolt, and no demons came forth to devour me like the cover foretold I began to relax. After looking through it for a bit I decided it wasn't what I was looking on and moved on.

I found a book that hinted at the mysteries of witchcraft and brought it home with me. I read it in one day, and that night I cast my first circle. Reading this book also gave me enough knowledge to realize that my Tarot reading friend was a Wiccan himself. I decided to talk with him about it and see if perhaps he could tell me anything.

What I did not know is that he was very in the closet with it. He had been persecuted and teased for several years for his belief system by the "non-judging" holier than thou xtrians. Would he discuss things with me?

DO NOT PRAY FOR ME!!!

Do not pray for me, I'm not a poor misguided soul on the wrong path. My soul does not need saving, and yes everything in this blog you will read is true. This is to be an account on how I found salvation through Satan.

IN THE BEGINNING....

I grew up in a xtrian family. My parents were cathlicks, but went over to xtrian reformed for most of my childhood. No surprise when they stopped going to church because the people that went were to gossipy. So back to the cathlick fold they went, dragging me and my brothers along for the ride. To be quite honest, that was one of the worst years of my life. I got pushed in to a cathlick school with a bunch of kids that did not really like new people. Even though we were in middle school, the format was like elementary school, silly little desks and all.

So of course I did what any teenager would do and rebelled by not doing my homework. Not that it mattered as they were doing stuff I had done the year before anyway. After that year, I never went to church again. I did still pray, and worship in my own way.

FAST FORWARD A FEW YEARS...

My senior year in high school I am sort of introduced to the powers of Wicca, but at the time I did not know it. I was able to put my energy into a quarter so strongly that if someone held it they would drop it like it was hot. When one of the girls that was "known" to be able to get in someones head tried to do it to me her friend gently shook her head no to me in warning. I focused on keeping her out. She was never able to read me like she could others. Everyone said it was buzzing with energy. But that was as far as that went. It wasn't until a few more years while in the military that I read some books by Piers Anthony. Now he writes some great books about the land of Xanth, but he has also written some sci-fi books and a series that really opened my mind.

This series started with a guy that killed death. Sounds crazy right? Sort of like the Santa Clause movie with Tim Allen. So he ends up killing death, and by doing so becomes death. The series went on and covered fate, time, mars, and ends with.....God. That book really twisted my brain because it made me think about the what ifs.